Victor’s Secret

The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show has struck yet again, proving that as long as a woman’s face and body are perfectly symmetrical representations of her particular demographic, she, too, is beautiful.

If one aspired to present a similar spectacle featuring men, I think it’d be most compelling to have the various sections be task-oriented. First, we would have incredibly hot men be asked questions about geopolitics (not the obvious ones, either). Questions like, “What’s going on right now in Syria?”

Next would be the guys of mid-tier hotness (think Junior Varsity captains turned middle managers) casually yet confidently approaching women at a bar.

Finally, we would have the uglies. These men would be tasked with conducting in-depth interviews with the Victoria’s Secret Angels, getting to the heart of their interests, aspirations, and true feelings about being so, so beautiful, and so, so silent.

Life Sentence

Life is a life sentence, not a because it’s a prison, but because it’s a thing you write.

Profession

What makes something professional is that it’s expensive, considered, and standardized. Such is the predicament of the professional artist, writer, singer, actor, or person that deeply hopes to make such activities their “job” when the act of doing them rarely, if ever, moves the needle of capital.

Yet the allure of a profession divorced from the need to produce, communicate, sell, and transport products at scale continues to endure.

A day spent writing the next chapter of one’s life, painting a representation of one’s interiority, singing one’s song in the shower and pretending to be anyone but one’s self seems not far off from a perfect day.

Professional work continues to move ships. But the days of not doing, of not professing anything at all, is what brings life to life.

Guided Rumination

First of all, thank yourself for showing up for yourself today.

We’ll do one big inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth.

Now I want you to picture that person from work. Can you believe they’re still doing that thing?

Are they ever going to learn how to function in a workplace?

I mean, really, is it your job to teach them proper etiquette?

Is it even etiquette, or is it just basic human decency?

Did they even go to kindergarten?

I mean, you spend your whole life trying to do the right thing, not ruffle too many feathers, keep your head down and do your work, make pleasant conversation and have it go off without a hitch, remember major holidays and pick up a gift and get there on time and send the full information and have an outfit on and don’t make too much noise and speak confidently and listen closely and love fiercely and party hard and rest easy, and yet…

Some people will never learn.

But you will.

You do every day.

You are the mountain.

You are the morning and the evening star.

They’re the worst.

It sounds like you handled that perfectly.

Endings

They are so bad.

They are so good.

​Celebrities But Only First Names

Ralph hosted a show and I saw Catherine and Elizabeth there. Miley wasn’t able to come, though I did see Giselle and she seemed to be alright since everything went down with Tom. I think she’s with Brad now.

Anna finally showed up and then the show started, though I couldn’t take my eyes off of Allen across the way who was with some girl I didn’t recognize. SJ and Kristin said her name was Ashley but I am skeptical as I though she was already married to Evan, Diana’s son.

Donatella never showed up, but she sent flowers. Julia confirmed they were real. Jenna left quickly and I couldn’t get a word out of Stephanie about when she and Michael are finally going follow through with it. Anyhow, seeing Cynthia was fun.

The afterparty was the best part. I ran into John, Amanda, Rachel, Robert, Amy, Bob, Amber, Emily, and even Jane.

Cher, unfortunately, was nowhere to be found.

Nature

Nature never stays the same, even as we insist upon life maintaining consistency. So often we want the same temperature, the same food, the same movement as before, and yet with each moment of each day nature tells us, “no.”

There are measures we take to avoid the trouble. We create air conditioned boxes of comfort, fridges full of produce imported across seas, cashmere sweaters and swim trunks and running shoes and sunglasses. All of these accoutrements smooth out the edges of an unavoidably inhospitable world.

But beauty, so often, is created in those moments where the dynamism of nature is met in compliment with the fabrications of man: the boots that got you to the top of the mountain, the glass of ice water that cooled your throat on a warm day, the quiet warmth of a building lobby as you come inside from snow blowing sideways. Both need the other, and all of us need them all.

Holiday

The Tuesday after Labor Day is more January 1st than any other date. A luxurious marking of the most luxurious season’s end, nothing quite matches the melancholy and delight of a whole day to accept summer’s passing.

No more white, no more late sunsets, no more beachside weekdays and no more meandering by. In walks real life, real time, real action and real plans.

Christmas is the next thing, and yet there is still so much to happen before.

Worse Things

Yesterday I found myself sweating in dress clothes. There are only a few things worse on this planet (below).

1. The loss of a family member or friend

2. The threat of nuclear war being realized

3. An unexpected phone call or door knock from a sales professional

4. Grief showing up because of certain smells

5. Taxes

6. Eating healthy consistently

7. Running into an authority figure from childhood as an adult in your hometown grocery store

8. Arriving at your destination in aforementioned dress clothes and waiting for the sweating to stop

And Just Like That…

As of last night, And Just Like That…, the Sex and the City spinoff, is over. With it goes my hopes of following these women forever, praying that their lives will resolve in some cohesive and neat narrative, and that they will finally relax into a life of true leisure: one so boring that there is actually no show to be had.

The manufactured drama of the series often feels like watching life unfolding far too fast. Only it’s the more real life that passes that makes one realize that it is more documentary than melodrama. Each conversation, each scenario, is one to come up in our own lives, even if only in conversation with our girlfriends.

While attaching my emotionality to this superficial show is a dubious endeavor at best, my loss is less the entertainment value it provides and more the psychological continuity it offers. Its ending forces me to accept that these women, and our lives, go on. After the unimaginable, comes the next day. And just like that…we continue.

Right on Time

I joined Gumpy in the boat for a fishing trip, just down our side of the lake and back. I read my book on the way there, the warm sun beating down on my shoulders, my head getting heavier and heavier. Soon I shifted to the hull of the boat (or whatever the bottom is called) so I could rest my back against its side. Soon we were humming back to camp. My eyes fluttered open just as we were turning into the dock. Just in time, right on time.

Trees and Lakes

When we try so hard and things don’t happen, maybe it’s because they shouldn’t. No one begs a tree to grow or a lake to freeze. It is simply the way of things.

Human behavior so often gets in the way. Our ideas about ambition, worthiness, justice, and peace so quickly become commingled with those of others that our own internal arbiter becomes more an accountant than artist.

August is the best time to lay back. To see what keeps growing, what emerges, and what approaches.

That which you move closer to becomes larger.

Emptying the Bottle

Emptying the bottle of a skincare product, however basic, is a rare and satisfying sensation. The procurement, the placement, the adoption, the utilization, the consistency, the routine, the just-enough results all culminate in that final pump or swipe or pad.

Such events also grant one the space to ponder. Is this the same journey I want to have for another six weeks? Wasn’t that last thing a bit better? Should I try combining this thing with that other thing, and if I do, should I remove something else?

Having product left in the jar or bottle or pump means that you still have a commitment to honor. Throwing away a half empty bottle, or any bottle not fully depleted for that matter, constitutes an uninspiring admission of defeat.

But one always has the choice to choose differently. From the first smell to the last dosage, a cream is only as good as it does for you.

If you reach the end and your first thought is to get more of the same, that’s an awfully good sign. Because the only feeling better than finishing an old bottle of something you love, is opening up a brand new one.

Away Game

Different house, different bed, different schedule, different food, different bathroom, different toothpaste, different wardrobe, different people, different weather, different feelings, different water, different coffee.

Same me (very nice).

Why You Deserve Everything You Want

We enter and leave this world innocent. All the guilt, shame, reservation and doubt in the middle is the gunk.

May we strive to live each day as if it were our first, not our last. Because all our life, the rest of our life is ahead of us.

California Living

I’m in California this week so I don’t have to write an essay.

The Big Trip

As everyone knows, today marks the beginning of The Big Trip. The last weekend in June before the 4th of July that so conveniently falls on a Friday. All of us saw this coming, many of us planned something, and all who did have finally come upon it in all its summer glory.

The plane, the boat, the road, the sun, the beach, the water, the sights and the sounds. All converge in a way both anticipated and unexpected, ordinary and magical, most of all because as the world continues moving unruly, somehow we still find moments where all is alright.

No work allowed, only vibes and high spirits. Hardest question to be: white or rosé?

House Rules

As a guest, the kindest thing you can do is leave.

As a life, the most beautiful thing you can do is die.

As a guest, you should try to stay as short as possible.

As a life, you should try to stay as long as possible.

Summer Break

Nothing compares to sweet summer. No school, no bells, no pencils and no worries. Days filled with gummy candy, nights started off with a cold beverage, early mornings kissed by sunlight and birdsong.

The whole year leads to this, and it is before this and after this by which the year is measured. September is the January in fashion, and June, July and August are the holy trinity in life. So much heat, so much change, so much swimming, so much rebirth.

I hope these hot days that turn into cool nights provide many an opportunity for crew neck sweatshirts and shorts. I hope the coffee stays strong and the winds light. And I hope I get to see you, sweet, sweet you, even if it is only as I smile at my own reflection in your mirrored sunnies.

Arranging a Meeting

Hello Brenda,

Thank you for connecting with me. It would be my pleasure to align our schedules and see what may work for us to have a phone call, or perhaps even Zoom, in the near future.

Might you have 30 minutes at any of the below times?

• Anytime on a Monday, which spells certain death

• A Tuesday two weeks from now, at an aspirationally early time you will certainly regret

• A Wednesday around noon time, ensuring the compounding malaise of midday and midweek will quell any chance of generative conversation

• A Thursday afternoon, because who really cares

• Anytime on a summer Friday. It will have to be a phone call, of course, and only if I happen to not be in the pool.

Already looking forward to it.

Best,

Dan