Victor’s Secret

The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show has struck yet again, proving that as long as a woman’s face and body are perfectly symmetrical representations of her particular demographic, she, too, is beautiful.

If one aspired to present a similar spectacle featuring men, I think it’d be most compelling to have the various sections be task-oriented. First, we would have incredibly hot men be asked questions about geopolitics (not the obvious ones, either). Questions like, “What’s going on right now in Syria?”

Next would be the guys of mid-tier hotness (think Junior Varsity captains turned middle managers) casually yet confidently approaching women at a bar.

Finally, we would have the uglies. These men would be tasked with conducting in-depth interviews with the Victoria’s Secret Angels, getting to the heart of their interests, aspirations, and true feelings about being so, so beautiful, and so, so silent.