Taking Up Time

Monday’s first all-female 11-minute celebrity cruise to outer space was the most captivatingly egregious event in recent history.

The six women were certainly making a statement, though the phallic rocket in which they laid only underscored the insidious irony of which they were embarrassingly unaware.

Amidst their selfies and singing, they claimed to be collecting data to bring back for the benefit of us all. If there is any insight to actually glean from this glorified infomercial, it is that we all only have so much time. During it, perhaps the best thing we could do for Earth is learn how to stay down to it.